(I apologize to those who I may have incriminated in these photos!)
This part sort of coincides with the athleticism part. Well, try to follow... :) I have always seen myself as a nerd. (See above photos... nerd to the core.) I'm clumsy, accident-prone, and semi-awkward in group situations. That is how my family and many old friends see me as well. That's fine - it's a role I find easy to fill. But recently I've changed that view of myself. I definitely felt nerdy while on the volleyball team because I lacked the coordination and formal training of many of my teammates. One girl, who will remain nameless, stands out to me as my complete opposite. She was gorgeous, fit, graceful, and could really tear it up out on the court. She was nice enough to me, but lots of the other girls opted NOT to eat lunch with me or hang out with me, so she didn't either. (Don't feel bad for me... this is not the point. I had lots of other friends.) Whatever.
So, fast-forward 10 years to my stake volleyball games here in Riverton/Herriman. I was playing a few months ago (feeling quite out of shape right after Ella was born), when this girl walked in with some other "moms" from her ward. I nearly died. Instead of just having fun like I was before, I got nervous and started to revert back to my shy, nerdy self. Would she talk to me? Would she even want to play on the same court as I was? DUH BONNIE. SNAP OUT OF IT. So I did. I pushed that all away and talked to her and even played several weeks in a row on the same team as her. We had a lot of fun together. Man, did that feel good. She probably thought nothing of it. But for me to be able to act like a normal person and play (almost) as good as someone I really idolized 10 years ago was a major breakthrough. And, come to think of it, she was wearing the same nerdy mom-type outfit I was, and had probably put on some pounds, just like I did. (Although she still looked gorgeous!)
All of this made me realize that EVERYONE is worried about what people think about them. We're all so worried about it that we don't have time to think about other people's shortcomings. And gosh-darn-it... I'm pretty awesome. I am a college graduate (which is where I found my now confident self), a wife, a mother, a sister, a daughter, a friend... and I AM AWESOME. (Even if I am clumsy.)