Mistress

Dear Internet,
Please go away and give me my husband back. I don't appreciate you always breaking down so you can have all of his attention. You are way too needy and I think you have crossed some lines that shouldn't be crossed. You're messin with fire here, so if you keep it up you'll feel my wrath! Just back off and let me see my honey again.
Sincerely,
Bonnie (The Wire Cutter) Hagen

Ps tell your friends PC and Dell that we need to talk as soon as possible ...